Is This All There Is?

I was humored a couple of days ago when I received a text message from my son, Tim.  He had posted the following statement on his Twitter account and it sent me a text message.  It read, “I think I was switched at birth; I cannot be destined to work for the rest of my life- I was meant to be a spoiled rich brat...”.  Soon after, Carissa replied with, “I have been saying that for a long time. I think I belong in a palace somewhere, getting pedicures and wearing diamonds on my head for a living.”  I, too, have thought many times that I was really destined to live a lifestyle of the rich and famous.  In any event, my life was not suppose to include financial woes, job worries, health issues, or serving others.  

It really made me start thinking about how many of us really expected something great in our life and only received disappointment.  As a young teenager, I couldn’t wait to get married and have children.  I was going to stay at home and be the best wife and mother in the world, while my husband brought home a lot of money for me to spend.  I was raised in a middle-class family, with parents that encouraged me to dream big.  I had everything a young girl could want and more.  In my young mind, I could never imagine my life being any different when I got married and began a family.  I was going to live my big dreams.

At the age of 18, I married the man of my dreams (minus the money).  Within the first 10 years of our marriage, we experienced the birth of 4 sons, the sudden death of Dan’s father,   the loss of jobs, financial strain, many health issues with oldest son and myself.  This was not what my BIG dreams were.  I remember at one point in my life wondering, “is this all there is?”  The reality of life was striking me right between the eyes and I didn’t like it.  

The following 10 years became a completely different ride.  My boys became the focus of my worry.  The pressure of raising teens wasn’t anything I was ready for, yet it stared me in the face daily.  The aging body, weigh gain, feelings of isolation, day to day maintenance of a home, working full time and unbalanced priorities.  Completely overwhelmed is how I would describe this time.  I asked again, “Is this all there is?”  I even decided to run away one day and leave it all, but found myself in a position of dependency upon my husband and children.  Love prevailed.  

The last five years have been speckled with illnesses of self, parents, and mother-in-law.  Children leaving the nest, girls hanging around the boys, job change, spiritual growth, old relationships restored and deepening love for my husband.  Although good has been speckled with the bad, it would still be easy to ask, “Is this all there is?”  But, the difference now is, I can answer.  My answer is, “no, this is not all there is”.  

My life isn’t anything I had dreamed.  I have found happiness in surviving my reality with those I love, right beside me.  My dreams are now about seeking a personal relationship with God, through His Son, Jesus Christ.  They are full of watching for the prince that has gone to prepare a place for me in His Fathers house, not about settling with the prince in a castle of this world.  My Prince says that He loves me, I can have life in Him; I can ask for anything in His name, He sent me a helper , I can have peace and not fear anything.  All these now, are what my dreams are made of.  With God there is always more.  John 14